For a country blueprinted secularly—boasting separation of church and state and making clear in the Constitution that no religious tests should be administered to gauge the qualifications of candidates—America is failing by allowing political waters to be clouded by an unimportant aspect of candidates’ lives: religion. I say unimportant because I believe it—maybe. I don’t care what imaginary friend gets a candidate through the night. What I do care about is how that candidate will not only work to better America, but also help better the world. Should I notice Romney is a Mormon? Even if the president were a Muslim, would it matter? I see no reason either of these make a difference in any real sense.

What makes Newt’s newfound Catholicism worth discussing? John McCain had a similar sudden burst of religious conviction not long before his attempt to get drummed by the black man who was the son of an Atheist mother. How does a closeted Muslim moonlighting as the Anti-Christ deal with being a family man?

1.) He leaves his spouse during sickness?

2.) He enters the Catholic church through the same woman he exited his second marriage?

3.) He wins the presidency to then put us all in front of a Death Panel to evaluate our worth to the NWO for the progression of his Fascist-Communist-Socialist-Scientologisty regime policed by flying monkeys?

We will have to see if the third option plays out in President Obama’s second term. The first two belong to Newt for now. Despite his spewing off about family values, Newt fails when compared to BarackandRoll. Rather than talk about family, Obama raises one.

The most shocking aspect of Newt’s adoption of Catholic ideology is his ability to jump into the most ridiculed (and rightly so) form of Christianity. Despite the Church’s power, the information age has changed its image. Catholicism can no longer afford to silence critics. The linens are being aired out and many stains are still there.

Pat Robertson knows who will win in 2012, but God told him not to tell. Maybe Newt will fare better than Pat in 1988 when God didn’t inform him he wouldn’t get the nomination, much less an invitation to the White House. Newt found an infallible way of dodging controversy: state actions before your new faith were errors on your sinful path before finding salvation. Newt is attempting to transform the confessional into a voting booth by swaying independent conservatives toward his brand of Christianity rather than Mitt’s americanized Jesus adventures, otherwise known as Mormonism.