At her Los Angeles Love Seminar in July, Hellen Chen, often known as the Matchmaker of the Century, disclosed that many singles will spend enormous amounts of time and money on their partner in order to continue the romantic actions involved in dating a person. Without committing to marriage, the relationships have a great chance of ending and all of the time and money spent on the partner will have been wasted, Chen said.

“Dating with no marriage-goal in mind іѕ simply taking care of the future spouse of someone еlѕе,” Chen said. “Over 90 percent of dating ends up in breakups.”

The idea of dating has changed and that the length of time two people date has a lot to do with the outcome, said student Caroline Thomas.

“I think dating should be more casual, like courting,” Thomas said. “I think you should date to get to know and like people, then from there it should not get more serious unless marriage is a possible end result.”

Dating should not have to do with marriage at all, said student Meshaal Al-Gafis.

“The point of dating is just having fun,” Al-Gafis said. “People think that dating before getting married is going to help them know each other better, but that’s wrong. We can get to know each other without dating.”

Dating is not just about finding a marriage partner. Dating can actually serve more than one function, said Gabriela Carrasco, UNA assistant professor of psychology.

“By suggesting that dating’s ultimate outcome should be marriage, (Chen) is suggesting that people who date are ready to get married,” Carrasco said. “However, this is not necessarily the case. In order for a marriage to be successful in our society, individuals must possess or acquire certain crucial skills such as patience, clear communication and an understanding of their own relationship expectations. Dating can help an individual acquire these skills through experience, which may require an individual to fail at some dating attempts.”

It will likely take an individual more than one dating partner to learn and practice these necessary skills, Carrasco said.

“Since dating norms in our society frown upon dating more than one individual at a given time, an individual will likely gather this experience by dating more than one person, one person at a time,” Carrasco said. “That ultimately will require people to dissolve some dating relationships in their lifetime.”

Because dating does not necessarily equal marriage, it is the likely cause for the high break-up rate, Carrasco said.

“Again, people date for various reasons,” Carrasco said. “Finding a marriage partner is not the only reason to date. So, yes, dissolution of a dating relationship will occur, and even occur frequently, while a person acquires the relationship skills discussed above. Even if dating’s primary purpose is to seek a marriage partner, marriage is an important enough institution that individuals should seek out someone they are compatible and comfortable with. This may take some time and may require some trial-and-error in dating.”

Because people have differing values, expectations and experiences, there is not one ideal time frame for relationships, Carrasco said.

“Each person and each couple will navigate through a relationship differently and at different times,” she said. “I would suggest, however, that individuals remain unmarried until they have a clear idea of what they want out of a relationship and their partner and what qualities, both positive and negative, they bring to the relationship.”

It is best to not spend too much time or money while dating someone, Carrasco said.

“I think it’s always a good idea to be smart about spending too much time or money – regardless of the situation,” Carrasco said. “However, if the two individuals enjoy each other’s company, the relationship is stable, and resources are available then I would suggest that the time and money spent are actually helping solidify the relationship even if marriage is not in the foreseeable future.”

There are many things college students need to know concerning dating and marriage, Carrasco said.

“Students should remember that a relationship requires two people and these two people may have different beliefs, values and expectations,” Carrasco said. “So long as these beliefs, values and expectations are not detrimental (i.e., abuse), we should respect our partner’s beliefs, values and expectations as much as we want them to respect ours.”