I am a lifelong pushover. My biggest trait throughout my grade school years was my docility. I was quiet, waiting to be told what to do and crossing my fingers that I wouldn’t upset anyone in the process. I think my biggest fear was any form of rejection or disapproval. On top of being a pushover, I was a crippling people pleaser.
Growing up means increased chances of rejection. It was rough going to come to terms with that. I can’t continue to go through life making everyone happy all the time. I have to be the bad guy sometimes. Does that suck? Absolutely. Is it a necessary evil? Absolutely.
The first time I came to the realization that I would upset people no matter what I did was last fall. For those of you unaware, student media had a rocky time when it came to leadership and respect. I saw the issues that were lurking under the surface and called attention to it. The leadership we had at the time was greatly displeased and made sure I had a miserable semester in turn. I think it was entirely worth it, though. For my fellow staff members, I knew they deserved somewhere they could thrive and feel comfortable. I was willing to fall on the sword to protect them and give them the work atmosphere I knew they deserved.
A year later, my actions have yielded the results I wished they did. Student media once again feels like a family. The few friends I have in college are due to the newspaper and the wonderful people I have met through it. I know that my willingness to sacrifice my well being and (potentially) my job are signs that I am a good leader. It didn’t stop the paralyzing fear I felt while doing it.
Living through that made me realize that I can continue to displease people in the pursuit of what is right. I know I’m not some martyr or world leader, and I don’t intend to be. My actions are minute in comparison to the bigger picture, but they matter to me. They matter to the people I am helping.
And sometimes the people you try to help end up taking it a different way. Maybe you don’t do things the way they wanted you to. That’s okay. You’re not a mind reader (I know I’m not), and you’re not a miracle worker.
You’re only human. Humans are inherently flawed. There is no picture-perfect person who has never done anything wrong. That isn’t how God designed us. We aren’t supposed to please people all the time. Life wouldn’t be the way it is supposed to be if everything went perfectly according to plan. No lessons would be learned that way.
There’s this song I like called “Foreverever” by Leanna Firestone. It talks about girlhood and having to balance feeling like a kid while being an adult. One of the lyrics that really resonated with me was “I want everyone to like me all the time.” That was 100% me as a kid. It was me up until the age of 19, really.
Newsflash: Not everyone is going to like you. Some people will dislike you before you even meet them. People’s opinions cannot be forced to change. I mean, do you like everyone you’ve ever met? I know I don’t.
You can’t please everyone. You can’t go through life with no enemies. Life is full of misanthropes. It sucks, but it’s true. The only people you have to worry about pleasing are the ones you love, and even they will get upset with you sometimes. That’s okay.
You are only human. We all are.
