My neck is itching, my temperature is 104 and for some reason I’m freezing. I feel cold and alone. It’s only been a short time since I’ve slowly weaned myself off the Internet, but really, social media is really starting to annoy me, or maybe it’s just the Internet in general. I read an interesting article this week about ways that we should clean up the Internet. The article gave a prime example via Rachel Black’s monstrosity, “Friday.”

Once people saw “Friday,” there were multiple covers of the song by the end of the week, nearly every “news” outlet had done a story on it and by the time Stephen Colbert was ready to spoof it, the song was already old news. Just as quickly as something becomes famous on the Internet, it’s already outdated.

It also talked about the various ways people troll online. If you wouldn’t bully and harass someone to their face, why the heck would you do it online? I just don’t get it. It’s like people get some really weird sense of security behind a computer screen. Also, the Internet is filled with self-righteous, egocentric, tools. Basically, everyone acts like Kanye West.

We (and I’ll even own up to this) quickly hit up a forum to ask a question before we go to a legitimate source to find out the answer. The “gods” of the forums act as if they know everything there is to know about any given subject, and will ridicule you if you ask a sincere question. All of this really freaks me out. For me, it all culminated this past week.

I remember earlier this year when Ryan Hodgin pledged to un-follow anyone on Twitter that posted lines from “The Notebook.” He stayed true to his word and I may have to do something similar. I feel like I’m easy enough to tolerate.

I have a decent number of people I follow on Twitter, but I really wish there was a button that allowed you to hide people from your Twitter feed. I find un-following people to be in bad taste. On the Internet, everyone thinks they’re funny, everyone thinks they have a really interesting life and everyone tries to act like they know way more about things than they really do.

I really couldn’t care one crooked Stuart Scott eyeball less about what sandwich you had for lunch and how amazing it was. If you prepared that sandwich, then la-de-dah, you just did what our ancestors have done for several Millennium Falcon lengths on a calendar, and you are by no means Guy Fieri. Speaking of, who wants to be Guy Fieri? Not this guy.

When in the world did I ever assume that someone would find my life interesting enough to “like” my status? I mean, I thought it was a good idea to update the world that I thought, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower has transcended me to a different time of metaphysical decay and innocence.” Clarification: I never tweeted that, and what I just wrote made absolutely no sense. Let me Google it, though, just to be sure.

At this point, I’m just rambling. I might even be losing my mind. Actually, it’s been about 25 minutes since I last tweeted and 13 since I last updated my Facebook status. I’ll be right ba …