The second week in November, I had a stay at a mental facility. After days, even weeks, of debating and thoughts that were doing more harm than good, I decided it was the best thing for me. I’ll be the first to tell you, it’s not for everyone. But it was good for me. I met so many amazing people and learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined. My values, about my disorders, about the people around me, and most importantly, that I wasn’t alone in how I was feeling. 

How did I get to that point? Well, I wasn’t taking care of myself. Yes, I was going to my doctor’s appointments, taking my medications, going to therapy, and even journaling semi-daily. All of that is good, but I wasn’t giving myself the space or time to process the things I actually needed. I was balls to the wall all the time. Doing this and doing that 24/7. I was experiencing and doing faster than I could process. I didn’t have any coping skills. I didn’t even know where to start with it all. Convincing myself that it would all come out in the wash. 

Spoiler: it didn’t. It all ended up driving me to a point where I felt hopeless and alone. Logically, I knew that I wasn’t, but I had become so jaded that I didn’t recognize that emotionally. 

So, what was the facility like? It was very structured and down to a T on everything. It was essentially seven straight days of therapy. As a group, we got to process, learn, and experience our emotions in a new way. Look at everything in a new light, essentially. Again, I got to meet so many amazing people. I’m coming out of there with several new friends, a pen pal, and people I know who will continue to get the help they need. 

I’m writing my experience to say that I am not ashamed of my struggles; they do not define who I am. I am more than my stay, and it is not a bad thing that I went. Many people have told me that they are proud of me and how courageous I am to recognize that I needed the help. I believe that these things are true. I am not weak nor crazy, as many would assume. I am a strong individual who realized I needed help and found it within myself to do the thing that I did. 

If you or a loved one is struggling, I highly encourage you to realize that you are not alone and the help you need is out there. Take the time and space you need and take that step to get help. You are strong and brave for living in this crazy and scary world. Find resources near you and take that first step. 

Suicide Hotline dial 988, or go to the nearest Emergency Room and tell them you need a psych evaluation, I did.